I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
