Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
