While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
