The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
