Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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