god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
