i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
