Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
