i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
