so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
