I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
