I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I had to cum in my sink.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
