a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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