Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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