My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
