i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
