I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
