It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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