omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
