I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
