He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
