i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Let's get the cat blown out
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
