Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
