I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
