At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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