the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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