I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
