I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
