theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
