I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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