I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
