I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
