he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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