You're so nebulous sometimes
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
