I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
