Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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