If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
