ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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