I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
