WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
