Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
