It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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