remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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