i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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