Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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