I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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