don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
