I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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