Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
