My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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