don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
