threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
