I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
