Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
