watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
