I skipped work to stalk him.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
they're like a gay fantastic four
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
