Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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