why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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