I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
