I think my fart just growled at me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
