There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
