my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
