So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
