I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
