i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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