I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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