im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
