whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
