going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
