What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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