My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
