Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
