Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
