So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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