WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
