Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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