What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
