Plan B is the new Plan A
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
