Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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