Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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