My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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